Poster board, x-rays and CT scans printed on metallic photo paper, acrylic paints, paint pen
2011
Hysterical.
Carried away.
Psychosomatic.
Hypochondriac.
These were some of diagnoses I got over the years from various doctors when they couldn't find any reason for me to feel as badly as I claimed. Every test came back normal and every exam showed nothing wrong. I was completely healthy by every indication and yet I lived in constant pain. Even I began to doubt my sanity.
In August 2010 I noticed pain and swelling in my upper left gum above my molars. Six months and a saga later, a CT scan revealed an abscess so obvious I could read the x-ray myself before the doctor even entered the room. I knew that after 16 years of searching, I needed to commemorate this find and I began immediately to plan this piece.
I had surgery the week of my 40th birthday and at my follow-up appointments, I asked my surgeon, my dentist, and their teams to sign my celebratory art. Their great kindness and readiness to do me good have changed my life.
Now, almost a year later, the residual pain and infection is nearly gone. I am feeling better than I ever have in my adult life. I have spent a couple weeks of November and all of Advent 2011 praying daily for my enemies- the doctors who had been so unhelpful and unkind. I have prayed for their happiness and freedom. I have prayed that the good they plant will grow roots and that the cruel will be weeded out. I have prayed for the system which overwhelms them, expects god-like powers from them, sleep deprives and makes demands of them will change into something truly healing for everyone. I have prayed celebrating all the successes of healers- all the pain they've alleviated, all the diseases they've cured, all the amazing beauty they've learned about bodies.
And in the process, I find that they are no longer my enemies.
It was all in my head, but it's not anymore.
It was all in my heart, but it's not anymore.
I release you.
I release me.
May God's favor rest upon us all.
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Blogs about this
Again
Goodbye #14 with gratitude
It's finished
Resolved
And once again
Needing to connect and it's not pretty
Quick update
Friday 1:30
Ambivalent news
It's back
Strategies for staying grounded
Reassurance
Limp
Ready to do good
It was all in my head but it's still not anymore
Doctors and miracles
My truer response to evil
Impervious 2
Praying for my enemies
No way